That may seem self centred but it really isn’t meant to be that way. I hope everyone has a really happy Valentine’s Day and I hope they have people around them that make them feel loved. However, I also want everyone to take the time to love themselves today. You are awesome!!! I find it sad that Valentine’s Day focuses on couples loving each other and that some single people are somehow alienated from this holiday of love. I remember many years where being single on Valentine’s was embarrassing, how I hated watching other couples holding hands, showering each other with love. Thinking that somehow those people were worth that but I wasn’t.
Then I entered relationships with people who didn’t shower me in love, not just on Valentine’s Day, they rarely showed me love and why would they, I had conditioned myself for many years to feel like I wasn’t worthy of it. For the next 30 years I would hurt and be jealous of couples who adored each other. Not to say there weren’t a few really good Valentine’s Days but the days of showering me with love were few and far between and so it never seemed enough. As write that it seems sad that someone would live that way for so long but things change and life evolves.
I learned that loving myself was the more important than others loving me. Not that I don’t still appreciate others loving me, in fact it has more depth and meaning now than it has ever had before. I can love deeper and appreciate being loving towards others more now than ever before in my life. I give from a place of understanding rather than a place of obligation or need for some kind of return. It is a much happier and peaceful place to be in life.
It seems ridiculous to me now that I was jealous of others love. I am not less of a person because I am single and I am worth the most important love of all, my own love. I am blessed to have wonderful people who stood by me in life and showed me that I was worth my own love. I am blessed that my life overflows with the love of my children. Seeing people loving their partners makes me happy now and fills me with warmth. Seeing those who love themselves however fills my heart with joy because they are loved with or without others.
I hope you wish yourself a Happy Valentine’s Day today, weather you are loved by a partner or single because the most important person to love and recognize as your Valentine is you. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and to all those I love.
I resently stumbled across a blog where the writer was going off on how the “me too” movement was perpetuating the hate of men. How it was making all men look bad and being unfair to innocent, decent men.
I am truely sorry the writer of the blog sees the movement this way. I have survived abuse and have a child that has survived abuse. Neither of us hate men. In fact their are men in our lives that mean the world to us. We both jumped on board with the “me too” movement, with no hate towards men but no love for the “person” we were abused by either. This is what I saw my daughter post on social media and my response too it.
Maybe the writer of that blog will see this and realize that although there are always some that will use anything to perpetuate hate, the movement was not designed for that intent. That seeing blogs like that damage a movement that created a safe environment for thousands upon thousands of victims to tell someone…”me too”.
This is a post from my daughter, the strongest, kindest and most beautiful person I know.
TW: sexual abuse, self-harm
I think i need to write this somewhere everyone can read it because my biggest fear is people discovering my flaws and hating me for them. I kept my sexual abuse a secret for 15 years because I thought no one could love me if they knew how imperfect I am. When I developed anxiety and depression I hid away in my room and carved into my flesh with all the anger I had stored at myself for being so flawed. As a child, I thought no one would ever marry me because I was dirty and used. I thought God hated me because I let a man touch me before I was married. I am not perfect, but I’m also not my abuse and I refuse to spend another day feeling like I’m worth less than everyone else because of something someone else did.
We need to change how victims feel about being abused. Strip away the shame from the innocent, make a society that embraces victims, loves them and helps protect them. Take the power away from the abusers and give it to the victims. Make it shameful for right person.
We need to hold our victims up high and praise them for surviving the failures of society. Stop blaming victims for being abused and stand up to the abusers. We need to stop making excuses and allowing abuse to continue because it is a difficult topic that no one wants to see. People are being abused, innocent children are being abused and we as a society are contributing by ignoring the problem, by making laws so lax that victims don’t bother to come forward, allowing abusers to continue abusing, creating more victims.
But what do I know….I am just a victim and the mother of a victim.