I became a single mom at 46, this was not what I expected from life but sometimes life doesn’t work out the way you want it to and you just have to make the best of what you are handed. This brings me to why everything in my life went on hold, sometimes you just need to shut down and focus on the things that are the most important, to me that is my children. Life can be busy and it is easy to get caught up in what needs to be done and forget to take time to enjoy or pay close attention to your family.
Not that their needs weren’t met, food was on the table, they have always had clean clothes and are well kept. There has always been story times and cuddles, time at the park and crazy fort nights. However, I was so busy trying to be normal, trying to make sure their lives were normal that I had forgotten all that we had been through the past year and one day it started to unravel and it has continued to unravel.
This hasn’t been a bad thing, in fact some of the things that unraveled showed me where I hadn’t taken care of business, some things that started to unravel reminded me just how much I adore my children and just how important they are in my life. Not that there was ever a question but a reminder is never a bad thing.
I stopped everything to clean up what I had neglected to notice while my relationship fell apart. I fought for my rights and I listened, recognized and enjoyed my children even more than I had in the past. Had all of this happened a year ago, I would have been angry and bitter but a year changes people a lot and I have changed my perspective. I won’t allow anyone to take advantage of me but if I end up getting the short end of the stick does it really matter? I have the most wonderful life and being a mom is everything to me.
Sometimes changing your perspective in life changes how things affect you. I thought I was falling but in fact I was leaping into a new appreciation of the life I have and I am truly grateful for every moment. A year ago I was angry, hurt and bitter with the world around me, today I am truly grateful for everything I have. I feel free and happy.
This Mother’s Day I remember how incredibly blessed I am. As I try to make sense of the cruel world that took a tiny little girl back to god leaving a mother’s arms empty today. She came into the world 15 weeks early and touched everyone around her before she made the journey back to God. Only here for a few days her memory will last a lifetime in those she touched.
This Mother’s Day I grieve for her, her mother and her father. Today I honour her mother who in a few short days experienced all that comes with motherhood and today sits with empty arms while she watches the world around her celebrate motherhood. I can think of no other more deserving than her of being honoured today. As a mother I hold her in my thoughts this Mother’s Day and pray for her to feel the support and love of all mothers around her today and always.
That may seem self centred but it really isn’t meant to be that way. I hope everyone has a really happy Valentine’s Day and I hope they have people around them that make them feel loved. However, I also want everyone to take the time to love themselves today. You are awesome!!! I find it sad that Valentine’s Day focuses on couples loving each other and that some single people are somehow alienated from this holiday of love. I remember many years where being single on Valentine’s was embarrassing, how I hated watching other couples holding hands, showering each other with love. Thinking that somehow those people were worth that but I wasn’t.
Then I entered relationships with people who didn’t shower me in love, not just on Valentine’s Day, they rarely showed me love and why would they, I had conditioned myself for many years to feel like I wasn’t worthy of it. For the next 30 years I would hurt and be jealous of couples who adored each other. Not to say there weren’t a few really good Valentine’s Days but the days of showering me with love were few and far between and so it never seemed enough. As write that it seems sad that someone would live that way for so long but things change and life evolves.
I learned that loving myself was the more important than others loving me. Not that I don’t still appreciate others loving me, in fact it has more depth and meaning now than it has ever had before. I can love deeper and appreciate being loving towards others more now than ever before in my life. I give from a place of understanding rather than a place of obligation or need for some kind of return. It is a much happier and peaceful place to be in life.
It seems ridiculous to me now that I was jealous of others love. I am not less of a person because I am single and I am worth the most important love of all, my own love. I am blessed to have wonderful people who stood by me in life and showed me that I was worth my own love. I am blessed that my life overflows with the love of my children. Seeing people loving their partners makes me happy now and fills me with warmth. Seeing those who love themselves however fills my heart with joy because they are loved with or without others.
I hope you wish yourself a Happy Valentine’s Day today, weather you are loved by a partner or single because the most important person to love and recognize as your Valentine is you. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and to all those I love.
YAY! 2017 is behind me !
2017 was one heck of a year for me. I lost a lot of loved ones and even if you are expecting it, it doesn’t make it any easier. My mother decided to give us the scariest Halloween of my almost half a century of life and had a massive Stroke. I don’t think anyone could ever top that Halloween trick nor do I want them too! My relationship ended and if you think your relationship can handle everything, well think again. Life happens and sometimes it adds too much to a relationship and it breaks…sad but true.
Needless to say, I was extremely happy to ring in the new year and let the past year go. Not that there weren’t some fantastic moments in 2017. Z learned to walk! A learned to read! My oldest girl got MARRIED!
I am going into the new year new, putting all the negatives and hard times behind me. I am focusing on those who love me and letting go of those who don’t, listening to encouragement and blocking out those who hold me back with their negativity. There is nothing like negativity to hold you back, discourage you from moving forward or letting your dreams stay only dreams. 2018 is my year to move forward and make my dreams come true.