I Think I May Have Found Myself.

The characters from, Fracus, The Little Flower and             Up coming title, Monday My Brother Was A                                                       Dinosaur.

So where have I been and what is with this book stuff suddenly?  Yeah, let me take a moment to apologize once again to those who have checked in from time to time. I am a creative soul and as such I seem to have a hard time focusing. Some hate that about me and some love it. I just accept it, I am loving, fun, hard-working AND I am a scatter brain, dramatic, forgetful and distracted easily.

It is who I am and for decades I allowed others to tell me that version of me wasn’t ok. If you have followed some of my other posts you will have noticed that I am a single parent, yep doing life the right way since the 1970’s. I know some may see this as a negative but the negative was the relationship itself. Not that the other person is to blame, I just hadn’t taken the time to find myself and so the choices I was making were not the right choices for me.

My relationship ended on a bad note and the taste of it sits with me today. I am not bitter with the person I had to let go, I am bitter with myself. I am bitter for not valuing myself enough  to take the time to find myself. Let that be a lesson to anyone who reads this blog in their 20’s. If I can give you any advice in life, it is to find yourself and accept  yourself so you can attract those who do the same. I have found it to be true, at least in my life that if you are insecure with yourself, you will attract people who perpetuate those insecurities.

Ok, so enough with the drab serious side of life, I have been serious for far too long. I WROTE A BOOK! The first one isn’t bad although it needs to be reformatted but it was written and illustrated in 6 weeks for my daughter who was leaving for a year to teach abroad so although not great, it was done with great love. I CO WROTE A SECOND BOOK! Oh look at me go, so excited! The second book is a story my mom told myself and my siblings when we were little. I had the pleasure of rescuing the story with my mother and illustrating it. The story is really good and I am not just saying that because it’s my mom’s story, people have raved about it for decades, which is why we published it, well that and money. Food costs money and so do lawyers, yep, this is my life. True story.

So how does this tie in with the title? I am loving it! Currently I am writing a book with my 7 year old and there are several tiles in the works. I have finally found what I love and I am not stopping there, I have so many ideas to for a whole new brand and a whole new me. After decades, I think I may have actually found who I really am and it feels great. I hope you will follow the journey with me,

 

Changing my perspective

I became a single mom at 46, this was not what I expected from life but sometimes life doesn’t work out the way you want it to and you just have to make the best of what you are handed. This brings me to why everything in my life went on hold, sometimes you just need to shut down and focus on the things that are the most important, to me that is my children. Life can be busy and it is easy to get caught up in what needs to be done and forget to take time to enjoy or pay close attention to your family.

Not that their needs weren’t met, food was on the table, they have always had clean clothes and are well kept. There has always been story times and cuddles, time at the park and crazy fort nights. However, I was so busy trying to be normal, trying to make sure their lives were normal that I had forgotten all that we had been through the past year and one day it started to unravel and it has continued to unravel.

This hasn’t been a bad thing, in fact some of the things that unraveled showed me where I hadn’t taken care of business, some things that started to unravel reminded me just how much I adore my children and just how important they are in my life. Not that there was ever a question but a reminder is never a bad thing.

I stopped everything to clean up what I had neglected to notice while my relationship fell apart. I fought for my rights and I listened, recognized and enjoyed my children even more than I had in the past. Had all of this happened a year ago, I would have been angry and bitter but a year changes people a lot and I have changed my perspective. I won’t allow anyone to take advantage of me but if I end up getting the short end of the stick does it really matter? I have the most wonderful life and being a mom is everything to me.

Sometimes changing your perspective in life changes how things affect you. I thought I was falling but in fact I was leaping into a new appreciation of the life I have and I am truly grateful for every moment. A year ago I was angry, hurt and bitter with the world around me, today I am truly grateful for everything I have. I feel free and happy.

Happy Mother’s Day

This Mother’s Day I remember how incredibly blessed I am. As I try to make sense of the cruel world that took a tiny little girl back to god leaving a mother’s arms empty today. She came into the world 15 weeks early and touched everyone around her before she made the journey back to God. Only here for a few days her memory will last a lifetime in those she touched.

This Mother’s Day I grieve for her, her mother and her father. Today I honour her mother who in a few short days experienced all that comes with motherhood and today sits with empty arms while she watches the world around her celebrate motherhood. I can think of no other more deserving than her of being honoured today. As a mother I hold her in my thoughts this Mother’s Day and pray for her to feel the support and love of all mothers around her today and always.

My Thoughts On “Me Too”

I resently stumbled across a blog where the writer was going off on how the “me too” movement was perpetuating the hate of men. How it was making all men look bad and being unfair to innocent, decent men.

I am truely sorry the writer of the blog sees the movement this way. I have survived abuse and have a child that has survived abuse. Neither of us hate men. In fact their are men in our lives that mean the world to us. We both jumped on board with the “me too” movement, with no hate towards men but no love for the “person” we were abused by either. This is what I saw my daughter post on social media and my response too it.

Maybe the writer of that blog will see this and realize that although there are always some that will use anything to perpetuate hate, the movement was not designed for that intent. That seeing blogs like that damage a movement that created a safe environment for thousands upon thousands of victims to tell someone…”me too”.

 

Me too.

This is a post from my daughter, the strongest, kindest and most beautiful person I know.

Me too.
TW: sexual abuse, self-harm
I think i need to write this somewhere everyone can read it because my biggest fear is people discovering my flaws and hating me for them. I kept my sexual abuse a secret for 15 years because I thought no one could love me if they knew how imperfect I am. When I developed anxiety and depression I hid away in my room and carved into my flesh with all the anger I had stored at myself for being so flawed. As a child, I thought no one would ever marry me because I was dirty and used. I thought God hated me because I let a man touch me before I was married. I am not perfect, but I’m also not my abuse and I refuse to spend another day feeling like I’m worth less than everyone else because of something someone else did.

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We need to change how victims feel about being abused. Strip away the shame from the innocent, make a society that embraces victims, loves them and helps protect them. Take the power away from the abusers and give it to the victims. Make it shameful for right person.

We need to hold our victims up high and praise them for surviving the failures of society. Stop blaming victims for being abused and stand up to the abusers. We need to stop making excuses and allowing abuse to continue because it is a difficult topic that no one wants to see. People are being abused, innocent children are being abused and we as a society are contributing by ignoring the problem, by making laws so lax that victims don’t bother to come forward, allowing abusers to continue abusing, creating more victims.

But what do I know….I am just a victim and the mother of a victim.

Hello world!

This greeting seems rather appropriate as I begin my journey blogging about parenting as an older, a much older parent. I always imagined that each of my children had this thought coming into the world. Each one with a different addition to what the world could expect. My first born would have been, “Hello world, I am here to help.” my fifth and final child would have been “Hello world, look out!”

Over the almost 3 decades of parenting, I have seen many changes. Car seats 3 decades ago were a light piece of plastic and no one really paid attention to safety or comfort, after all I think there were only 3 or 4 models back then. I would feel sorry for new parents today, except that I am one of them.

Uppababby, BOB, Peg Perego, Baby Jogger, Bugabboo, Quinny, Graco, Cosco…just to name a few ….so many strollers! With my first child I had the choice of a pram, a pink umbrella stroller or a blue umbrella stroller!!! Had I not worked for a store that specialized in baby gear, I would have surely spent hours searching the web with tears rolling down my face as I tried to decide which stroller to get my precious bundle of joy.

I think parenting today takes a lot more knowledge and a lot more strength in many areas than it did 3 decades ago. I am here to share my journey, experiences and knowledge as I start my journey over again from A2Z.